Mensa Invitational
You may have seen the following circulating via email (in fact, it’s been in circulation since 2005). I found myself laughing out loud and felt it was definitely worth posting. Thanks to Chris for sending! 
Here are the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Straight No Chaser
Heard these guys on the radio yesterday on the way to work. Great stuff!!
keep your screen clean
For those of you who don’t like a dusty monitor, click here to clean your screen.
think test
Mom sent this test to me. I got 18 right.
Power of Observation
Teny Jr, Simpsonized
I’m not a big fan of “The Simpsons”. I watched the first season, but I don’t really remember much from it. I do remember them when they were just animated shorts on Fox’s “The Tracey Ullman Show”. But since then, I haven’t watched any of the series because I just don’t have any interest in it (or in the upcoming movie). I will say SimpsonizeMe.com is pretty fun. I uploaded a picture of me, and the site transformed me into a Simpsons character. Afterwards, I tweaked it a bit to get it to look more like me. If you want to make yourself a member of the Simpsons universe, I recommend reading these tips to get the best results. I actually like this one better than my previous “Simpsons” avatar, which I manually created.
create your own fireworks display
Happy 4th of July
my Simpsons avatar
What I’d look like if I were on “The Simpsons”.
Create your own avatar here.
snowflakes
Create your own snowflake. Hover over each snowflake to see them in detail.
Click here to see my snowflake.
daniel and hobbes
kind of reminds me of someone I know …
how many seconds old are you?
Birthday Calculator | digg story
Some interesting facts about my birthdate:
- The Julian calendar date of my birth is 2441423.5.
- The year 1972 was a leap year.
- I was born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
- I am 1,088,689,655 seconds old.
speed stacks
I saw a report on this new “sport” several months ago on the local news. It looks like a lot of fun, and I’d like to try it it out. I told Christine I would like a set for Christmas.
Calvin and Hobbes
I started reading Calvin and Hobbes in high school, and it’s one of my all-time favorite comic strips.
25 Great Calvin & Hobbes Strips (courtesy of Progressive Boink) | digg story
speed stacks
I saw a report on this new “sport” several months ago on the local news. It looks like a lot of fun, and I’d like to try it it out. I told Christine I would like a set for Christmas.
